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Remodeling or Building a House – Top 3 Reasons Couples Fight During Their Construction Project



Money and sex are the two biggest problems a couple argues about. Money, not sex, is the “hot” topic of house building or remodeling. It takes money to start a project and causes a lot of fights in a relationship. Here are 3 reasons that money triggers conflict in house building or remodeling.

1. Couples do not know what their needs and values ​​are. Some people do not know what drives or motivates them to build or remodel their house.

For example, Samantha wanted to update the main bathroom in her house. She was excited for a fresh, new look as it had been 10 years since she had made any decorations. Her husband Tim loved the bathroom as it was and didn’t want to spend the money to fix it. In fact, he did not like change and did not want to spend money on “those kinds of things”.

Samantha and Tim would end up arguing about the bathroom over and over again when Samantha would bring the matter up. The two of them started to get angry at each other because they could not reach an agreement.

Tim acknowledged that he did not want to argue about the bathroom so he asked Samantha why it was so important to update the bathroom. After much discussion, Samantha admitted that she had been ready to make some changes to the house since her last child went to college. The update was a way to honor their achievements as parents and symbolized a new chapter in their marriage. Samantha shared her hopes and excitement about the new phase in their relationship She found clear about her values ​​and what is important to her.

Once Tim and Samantha talked this through they were on board with the project because the “reason” behind the project was exciting for both of them. Instead of fighting about money, they were able to link their spending for the bathroom update to the new chapter in their relationship.

2. Couples do not have a financial plan for their project. This is the biggest problem for couples when building or remodeling. In fact, if you do not have a sound financial plan in all areas of mating, there will be conflict in a relationship. In a construction project, this issue is brought to the forefront quickly.

Before they knew it, John and Kelly had spent money. They blamed each other for spending too much and had to stop building the cabin they had been dreaming of for years. This was disappointing to say the least.

After seeking financial advice from their banker and getting counseling from their therapist, they realized that a realistic financial plan or budget for the cabin was not their dream. This topic was a much bigger issue for John and Kelly than just the cabin; their finances have always been a challenge in their relationship.

Once they started working on their harmful and unproductive money belief on a “budget” they were able to develop a financial plan to achieve their dream of building a cabin. The financial plan was a tool to help them achieve their goals, not hinder them as they once believed.

3. Couples are violated. Building or remodeling a house is exciting and can be overwhelming. For most people, they work their jobs, take care of their families and other obligations in addition to the construction project. This can be a recipe for disaster.

Mike and Neda were building their house on their own. Mike had just retired from the army and had a job where he could work from home. They had 2 children of school age and were cared for by Neda. They had more flexibility than most people but soon the construction project spent their lives. Every waking moment was filled with thinking, planning or building the house. Undoubtedly, this resulted in unproductive decisions that cost them more money in the long run.

Their family began to suffer the consequences of being obsessed with the venture. Mike and Neda were physically exhausted, the kids felt neglected and their whole life revolved around building the house. Soon Mike and Neda felt crushed by the weight of responsibility in their new home. They had hit a wall!

They took some free time, regrouped and identified the things that were important and priority in their lives. Family time and being healthy were their top priorities. To deal with exhaustion, they decided to set building goals that would allow them to take time for the family and put their body back. They supported as fast as they wanted to finish their house. They took time off Sunday so they could go to church as a family and spend the rest of the day together. They did nothing construction or house related to Sunday.

Building a house can create a sense of urgency with decisions to be made, deadlines to keep and other life responsibilities. In short, avoid unnecessary money conflict by doing the following three things before you start your project.

  1. Talk about why your project is important to you and how it relates to your values. Let your values ​​drive your building goals.
  2. Develop a realistic financial plan based on your values ​​for your project. Follow the plan!
  3. Keep life in perspective. Go slow, be proactive and take breaks when needed.

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